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Agradecimiento por los Saludos por su Cumpleaños en el Foro de Twilight Lexicon (Original)
Diciembre 27 de 2007

I feel like I should be able to express myself better. Being a "professional" (as I remind my husband at least once a day--this isn't a hobby anymore, dang it!!), one would think that I could write something really amazing in response to all this amazingness. (One would also think that I would never misspell words or have less than flawless grammar.) But I'm not sure I can really explain what I'm feeling right now.

Reading through this thread has been like getting four hundred hugs. I'm choked up and my eyes are wet. Thank you all so much.

Because I'm at a loss as to how to thank you properly, I think I'll just tell you the ways you inspire me/why I'm grateful for you.

1) You make me feel like a genius.

This is not something I usually feel like. Like everyone who writes, I have many "I suck rocks!" moments. I have days when I hate everything I've written. When I'm embarrassed to tell people what I do. (Usually this happens when a book drags on forever (I'm looking at you, Breaking Dawn) or I'm in the middle of a content edit.)

Then I come in here, and find smart, funny, insightful people discussing my characters and plots with depth and passion. And I remember that what I write is sometimes worthy of this respectful treatment. If such brilliant people are so involved with what I do, then it can't be all bad.

2) You bring my characters to life.

In so many different ways. Just believing in them and talking about them like they're real is such a gift to me. But you also draw amazing pictures and create drool-worthy and/or hilarious banners and avatars. You make your own playlists. You create Twilight inspired verbs and phrases that I use to the annoyance of those around me (my latest: Once you go pack, you don't ever go back!). There's this whole world where I fit in, where I can find new ways of looking at old ideas, where I get to see golden-eyed manipulations of my favorite actors...

3) You are patient with my limitations.

I have, over the last five years, become something which I always held in disdain: I am...a flake. It's hard to admit this to myself, because I used to be so good at following through on things. But I've found that you only have so much energy in your body, and the more you extend in one area, the less you have to expend in others. Aside from my writing, my family is the only thing I'm able to keep up with anymore.

But my friends here are so patient with me. If I drop off the planet for six months, you don't get annoyed. You give me space, and then welcome me with open arms when I drag myself out of the writing coma and stagger in again. If I don't answer your letters (which is a sad, sad but inescapable thing at this point), you don't throw up your hands and say, "I'm done with her!" You love me even when I don't deserve it.

You are so patient with the restrictions that time puts on me at events, too. Can I just tell you how much I hate flying through the stacks of books that are shoved at me with barely a minute to look into your eyes and tell you "thanks for coming"? It always sounds so trite and meaningless, when what I want is to hold up the line for an hour so I can find out who you are and who you love best and tell you that I really, really, really am so glad that you came! That you are amazing. I want to take a picture with you and write something goofy about llamas in your book. I want to sign blank pieces of paper for your friend who couldn't make it. And it's really depressing that I can't. Thanks for understanding about the thousand people behind you in line, and the fact that the people working with me at the bookstore have to stay up as late as we do, and for being courteous about the fact that I probably have to get up at five the next morning to make a plane. If I could have a superpower (and I've considered many in the past), I think I would choose to be able to stop time. And...maybe also shoot fireballs from my hands.

4) You help me be less afraid.

I do not like public speaking. I've been told that when I'm up in front of a crowd I don't look at all like I'm about to burst into tears and run sobbing from the room. It's an illusion; I am always terrified inside.

But then you are always so supportive. I can actually feel the love and acceptance radiating off of you and it gives me the courage I need to open my mouth. After a few minutes of talking about Edward and Jacob like they're real, I even start to enjoy myself. Thank you for that.

5) You are my daughters.

Too creepy? But seriously, I am boxed in by testosterone on every side. There is nothing girlie or pink anywhere in sight. Do you know how sad it is to have to walk past the displays of Easter dresses every year? To know that I never get to go prom dress shopping with my daughter? Well, you all saw where that one led! I love getting to be a girl with you all.

6) You are my sisters.

When I read how so many of you experienced an awakening of self through Twilight, it reminds me of my own awakening, and reminds me to be grateful that I found myself again after six years of being Zombie Mommy. I know exactly how you feel. I remember the Telly Tubby fog that I was lost in. It makes me fiercely glad that I could help anyone else rediscover themselves in the process.

You are such a bunch of Angelas! Awesome friends that I am lucky to have. If the world was a smaller place, and time was my friend, it would be so cool to go to lunch with you and talk kids and music and husbands and all the blessed female conversation for which there is no substitute in the world.

7) You make me look good to the movie people :D

Because I know you guys actually read my site, I don't have to explain too much about how I am lucky Summit even talks to me. Our very friendly relationship is a courtesy on their part.

You help them to want to keep me involved.

Over the course of the two casting announcements, Summit has seen the fanaticism of this fandom--its power for violent hatred and its power for acceptance. After reading three thousand comments to the effect of: "If Stephenie likes her/him, well, I guess I can consider further and maybe give her/him a chance. You know, now that I think about it, I can kind of see it...", Summit sees that you care what I think. This encourages them to make me happy. And that gets us a movie closer to the story that we all want to see.

8 ) You make me care about writing again when that love is dimmed by the publishing machine.

You remind me over and over again why I do this. I come in here, and feel excitement again over sharing what happens next. I remember that I'm not the only one who cares what happens to Edward and Bella and Jacob and Alice, and even Leah and Seth and the rest of the background characters in Forks. You make me excited again for the next book. You give me the strength to face the hideous weight of the edit that is coming (having just gone through this with The Host, I know that editing a book this long is no joke. No matter how minimal the changes, there are just so many of them! Gah!).

9) You make me feel like a superhero.

It always makes me laugh when people say I'm "so down to earth." Where else would I be? It's really hard to feel special when you're still in your ratty pajamas at ten a.m., with the kids' breakfast dishes waiting on the counter, the possibility of a PMS zit forming on your chin, nothing to wear because you haven't gotten around to laundry in two weeks, trying not to look at the unholy mess of wrapping paper behind you, or to think about the abject horror of putting the Christmas decorations away. 99.9% of the time, I feel like a mousy mom/computer slave. Literally, I don't get out much. Then I visit the Lex, and I am suddenly a celebrity. I am special. I remember that I can do something that makes people happy. And I read about all these ways in which I've actually made people's lives better, just by sharing my stories. Do you know how cool that is? How amazing it is to know that?

I guess I've come full circle with this little novella. I really hope you can see how important you are to me, too.

Does anyone else feel like a group hug?

Agradecemos a Pel y Alphie de Twilight Lexicon por permitirnos traducir su información. Nuestras traducciones no son perfectas ni oficiales por lo que, agradeceremos dispensar cualquier involuntario error.